A group of women quit their day jobs as Gold miners to embark on a life of crime but eventually find themselves enmeshed with the wrong people & end up in prison where they are preyed upon by a sadistic lesbian warden,which is a crime film.
Oh Hell yeah! I’m back from the brink people! Your favorite Saint is still fighting off the flu bug from hell but I’m starting to feel a litle bit better I think. I lost 9 lbs over the last 2 weeks due to the copious amounts of liquids that I’ve been expelling from every orifice I had (& a couple I didn’t know existed). Of course I’ve been ingesting copious amounts of liquids & narcotics of all sorts to counteract this wicked little Satan bug that’s taken hold of me & my bowels & although I’m still feeling pretty weak, I’m (barely) back in the saddle again.
My super cool editor asked if I would be interested in watching some movies & write up some reviews for them & I figured “What the hell”? I’m stuck in bed for awhile..might as well watch some new movies & give you guys the straight dope on what’s good & what’s not. Unfortunately the first one I put on was Ted V. Mikels “10 Violent Women”. Be careful what you ask for people…you just might get it.
“10 Violent Women” immediately gets off on the wrong foot with the realization that there are only 8 of them. WTF? If you’re going to name your movie “10 Violent women” I better count ten of those bitches, & they better be pretty f*cking violent as well. But we only get 8 of them (Does Ted think we can’t count)? And when we meet them they’re working in a gold mine hoping to strike it rich. They have a demolition expert helping them in their endeavours & he’s set up some Dynamite in the mine they’re working in. Too bad for them that he’s set it up in the wrong end of the cave & upon detonation traps a couple of our violent women in the mine momentarily. They are rescued, none the worse for wear & all of them decide that mining isn’t going to make them rich anytime soon. So they promptly decide that crime is the answer to all of their problems, just like that.
Upon hearing of this proclamation, the demolition expert announces that since he’s worked for them for 3 weeks straight & hasn’t received any payment for his time he’s going to get something else in lieu of payment. So he promptly attacks one of our violent women & begins to throw her to the ground as he rips her top off. Mind you this is in broad daylight with the other 7 women looking on. What is this guy thinking? All of the women promptly beat the sh*t out of the bum before they embark on their new life of crime. They decide to pull off a jewelry heist & have already picked their target. Amazingly, they pull off the heist without a hitch & escape with $1,000,000 worth of diamonds & gold. Their problems begin when they look for someone to fence the valuables to. that someone turns out to be Leo, played by Ted Mikels himself. We’re introduced to him as he’s waxing his mustache poolside & barking into a phone about the deal he’s about to make with our violent women. Too bad for everyone involved, the deal goes sour for both sides & Ted ends up stomped to death by one of our violent ladies but not before he shoots one of them.
Oh well, our 4 remaining violent women dwindle down to two as they are incarcerated for their involvement in the botched drug deal. What happens to the other two? I don’t know!! Apparently they got sent to a different wing of the prison because once again Ted didn’t have the time to explain why they just vanished into the ephemera either. It should be noted that all of the women in the film were Ted’s “Castle Girls”. You see Ted lived in an actual castle in the Hollywood hills & he had himself a harem of women who in exchange for room & board helped him with his movies. They also learned all of the different facets of moviemaking since Ted basically had his own studio in the castle & had all of his own filmmaking equipment as well. So he had a crew living with him constantly & apparently had his “Favorites” amongst them as well. I think our remaining 2 violent women happened to be his favorites at the time and that’s why they’re still in the movie…I think. But putting all that aside for now, we have 2 women remaining in the movie & now they’re in a prison that looks suspiciously like the basement of a castle that’s dressed up with some iron bars on some of the doors & some more violent women. The warden is a sadistic lesbian who resembles the love child of former Dallas Cowboys head coach Jimmy Johnson & Televangelist Orel Roberts with tits. She wants nothing more than to spend time with her new inmates but is rebuffed at every advance she makes which just makes her ornery as all get out.
In conclusion, “10 Violent Women” is neither very violent & doesn’t even feature 10 women commiting any violent acts. There is very little nudity in the film as well. It felt to me like Ted just put in a pair of boobs every so often to keep people awake. Even in the prison there isn’t much boobage on display & the one sex scene between 2 women is so poorly lit that you can’t see anything anyway. Why bother Ted? Don’t f*cking tease the target audience. If the movie is called “10 Violent Women” certain expectations come along with that title & by not meeting them you do your audience a great disservice.